Carrying a Tune

I finally did it. I purchased a violin over the weekend. A shiny 4/4 expensive and perfect violin. For some time now, I've been infatuated with the violin. Where some means forever and time means an eternity.

After experiencing Garrison Keillor at a local theater play the fiddle last year, I've been enthralled with orchestra strings. So, I took the deep plunge. I have a kind and generous teacher selected, a luthier who I trust with my Violet, as I call her, and a lovely antique German made specimen carved the year I was born. I am less fascinated with my Violet and more so with the subculture of the musicians who play the strings.

Within a matter of seconds I became part of this elite, invite only, chosen few. I now have a group of people with whom I can spend intimate time and learn a lot from both musically and spiritually. For years I questioned whether I have any business doing this. Worrying that I am a complete musical klutz.

After steadily examining my potential, I realized I have something to offer the air space. With an ability to read music and a knack for appreciating the art of the practice and improvement, I am ready to take the sword like bow into my fingers and make the strings dance like they never have before.

My musical aspirations are to play with a local symphony. While it won't happen overnight, I firmly believe it's possible. And so the song begins with the tickle of a string... more...

Having an Impact

Sometimes my friends and blogger pals just know me. A good friend who I met through a blogging project last year sent me this.

She said she immediately thought of me.

She clearly knows me all too well. more...

And Perhaps This

It's not that I live next to a state with a key race, (the Commonwealth's race for Senate is far more important in my humble opinion), though it helps, it is that when you are schtupping the right person and have a family that knows a few folks and a nearby Senator elect with a degree from your alma mater and a President with another of your alma mater's degrees, oh you get the point! The point is that almost anything is possible. Note the use of the word 'almost'... more...

Having Fun While Being Busy

I've been incredibly busy as of late. Too busy to be quite honest. However, the photo above should give you some insight into what I've been busy with and some wonder of whatelse is keeping me away from the fun of blogging.

Stay tuned and know that I miss reading your blogs and having the time to engage in online discourse like we used to do so easily. more...

Caturday

A lot is going on in the AG world. When AG says a lot, she means a myriad and a plethora times an abundance. There is little time for anything anymore from submission approvals to promotions in the workplace to real estate acquisitions. Sure I am grateful. Much of it is not just good, it's amazing, but the wrinkles and grey hairs that resulted are not displaying as well as AG might have hoped.

AG has two major events today (Think celebrity hanging out and Jewish making out. Ssssh. What happens in AG's world, stays in AG's world.), but AG will make an effort before she leaves for the American south on Monday to post Von's gift from the travels over the last two weeks and provide some thoughts on sexism in the bloggersphere. Two topics that are not related, AG trusts.

For now, a porno photo of AGlette and her boyfriend. You'll be pleased to know that he is Jewish, which means momma, bubie, and zaidie all approval. Oy, let's not discuss how bubie is driving momma messuganah on this:

more...

Corporate Cobags

As AG's life continues to kindle, it turns out that the best thing I did was take my current position. The organization just announced a partnership with the molecule package that I oversee corporate responsibility for. This results in a 138% bonus this year. For all you non profit individuals, I'll be thinking of you while I am laying on the beach in Roratonga.

Santa loves the Jews this year... more...

Ponderable

It makes sense to AG. Complete and total sense. Go ahead, see if you can guess why. I double dog dare you. more...

Caturday Cometh Early

AG will be spending the weekend attending a wedding and destination cooking classes.

Hope y'all have a good weekend.



She's trying to get the mail peanut Momma gave her that got stuck under the cabinet. more...

Tired

AG has way too much on her plate right now. Way. Too. Much!

Between the foreign trips over the next six weeks, the writing, the work, the social life, the whatever.

I owe more Stanek smack down, kitty photos, European and South America photos, a discussion of a possible trip to Cuba in late fall, and various other sundries to follow in late July. Until then -- check out Zombie's Summerfest blog and have an amazing Canada Day (MenDee) and 4th of July (the rest of you except, AIF. Sorry AIF. AG hearts you too. Happy festival of lights or something!) Light blogging ahead...

Does anyone else feel this tired? more...

Things realized

Waiting for Momma...


I become a mother this weekend. The transition occurred over the past few weeks as everyone around me had some sort of advice or tip that would help me reach this moment. Oy gevalt! What have I done? Despite all the sound advice and me trying to back out of all of this, here's what I learned:

1. I don't care what anyone says, I am getting her de-clawed. I watched her chew her hind nails yesterday in an attempt to sharpen them for hurting me more. Not less. I am not paranoid, she did it ostensibly for my bloodletting.
2. Yes, I can get her a scratch box but she's insane and I swear she has been observing me sleep at night in an effort to plot my death.
3. I am not ready for a child. Probably not now, or ever! I want to put some food out and be done with it. Brandeis looks at parenting differently. He holds her, loves, and comforts her even with the slightest chirp. (Yeah, she apparently is on the Twitter because I heard her tweet yesterday.) He will have a needy child, I will have an ambivalent mini AG. I'd like to avoid either one of those scenarios. AG's womb is officially closed to all creatures, ideas, and goys (they fall in category #1, but wanted to make it super clear).
4. Don't pick your cat out until at least 8 weeks post birth. Not only did AG get a Manson signed Tabby cat, AG got one that is not gray tiger. This is not what I saw a few weeks ago. No refund for AG! Wah. Wah.
5. Buy lots of toys for your kitten and give them to her the first night she is home. She'll learn to play on her own, have a grand time, and you do not have to dial down the amount of old vine you consume on night #1. (Mental note: stop at liquor store on way home tonight and buy wine by the case from today forward.)
6. I am pretty much fucked. Anyone want a cute but diabolical kitty?

More photos to be added shortly. more...

Phone-a-Friend

AG is too busy right now with everything. Seriously. It's going to remain like this until the end of May.

Of key note, she is going to Puerto Rico next week. No cost to her. Niente.

La. La. more...

Signing Autographs

Comments overheard at a Passover party this weekend:

Him: So, I am in Wal-Mart today.
AG: Ugh. (Starts blabbering about accidents, urgency, location, etc.)
Him: Right, so there is this old couple behind me. They have a cart and they are pushing it up my ass. (Said in hushed tones) I turn around and almost say: Are you that impatient or just don't want to die in Wal-Mart?
...Pregnant pause...
Oh my g-d, I am becoming AG.
AG: (With hubris under breathe) Proud moment, huh? Stupid coffin dodgers. more...

So Long Farewell...

AG is off for Passover. She won't be back until mid-week.

Happy Easter to those who are celebrating. Here's hoping your table is as awesome as my seder table last night that involved the following words at some point or another:

fakakta
fart
fuck-off
freak
bitch
breasts
boner
Do you read encyclopedias for the articles*

Not a single one was uttered by AG. She did sit near a PhD from Tuscaloosa, AL and a Canuck from Toronto, ON. The New Yorker won first prize though.

La. La. more...

Passover Seder

You know Fish only comes over here for the pictures. So, Good Shabbos, my goyish boy toy.
____________________________________

Last night I attended the Passover women's seder at my local synagogue. Yes, it's always before the actual holiday and this year's program was equally as nice as last years with exceptional singing and dancing. I always enjoy attending because I get to visit with my Jewish Ema and my gal pals. I was glad to see Ema, Meri, Judy*, Elena*, the Birthday Boy, Meri's husband, and a slew of older women that I am tight with. I have to say, our synagogue has some of the sweetest women. It really does and last night surely reminded me of that.

I was talking to my ALBT (Adorable Boyfriend), when I spotted Elena on the street. She grabbed me almost immediately within sight to ask me if I had her back. I was all, "Back?" Apparently some crazy started with her on the street because she wanted her parking spot. Oy, the synagogue drama is fun! I replied with, "I'm from Boston and New York. You know it!" The conversation drifted and it set the tone for the night.

This year we had assigned seating and since I knew Maura* and she's seen me intoxicated before, table three knew what to expect! In fact, table three is the only table that had five bottles of wine on it at the end of the night, instead of two. La. La. Right as Elena and I circle over to our table, a trio of women appear like hawks looking for their pray. The youngest is not very pleasant barking some orders at us about which seats we can have. Which seat AG can have? Bitch was clearly crazy. AG doesn't notice her because honestly, her brassy hair is making the eyes tear and there is something else far more interesting. I instantly spot the oldest one who looks like this. She had the four carat ring and everything. Oy gevalt was she stunning in her Bubbie glory.

She was pure fodder for the three hours I was there. The best part about her though wasn't that she tried to introduce me to her 45-year-old Boca Raton attorney son who has never had a relationship last more than six weeks, or that she brought her slave with her, or even that she informed me that her six inches high hair was not done last night because she didn't have time to "go to the beauty parlor." It was what Elena pointed out to me between the bitters and the maror. She pulled something out of her purse and began to discuss it with us.

Contest time! Can you guess what little gem of a gift she brought to the Passover seder. Trust me, no guess is too outlandish. Go ahead, try it.

At the end of the night, I found my tambourine that I decorated but someone swiped for themselves, (bitch, please!) left intoxicated (I paid $25, I was getting that amount worth of food, fun, and drink), got into it with my Ema for looking for another adopted daughter, and found out Bubbie belongs to Judy! Judy has the best Bubbie. Eva.

I am totally borrowing her next Shabbos and we are so going to George's where she will get me schtupped without a doubt. I did mention this to the ALBT and he was down with it. So, we're all good here. George's Happy Hour is filled with the Jews from the mainline who are dressed in Polo and talking about Devon Days. In other words, they speak AG shiksa!

Oh and in case you are wondering, yes, I am hungover today. I was still spinning when I woke up after throwing up while on the phone with the ALBT. I also may have fallen asleep on him over the phone and Alisa is pissed because I did not show up at the concert last night. Wah. Wah. Anyone have an Alka Seltzer because cheap, low ETOH, sugar laden kosher wine is killing me!

*Names are changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty. more...

Free Concert

AG is going to see this band next week for free. That's right, two breasts and a heartbeat is getting AG inside the doors.

I know, it sucks to not be AG or schtupping AG these days.

La. La. more...

Elasticity

Now is the time to get AG what she wants.

Prices are dropping 25%! more...

Mornings Need to be Moved to the Afternoons

Not the way to start off your day:

1. Staying up nearly all night.
2. Having to deal with frozen car doors
3. Being late
4. Getting your pant legs wet
5. Getting cut off by idiots from New Jersey
6. Not getting to the table quick enough to grab the last of the free bagels
7. Having to go to Detroit in this weather

Seriously. This is not what AG signed up for. more...

A Few of my Least Favorite Things

Beyond the top five of obvious:

15. Mice
14. Meatloaf, both the food and singer
13. Anything but a long blonde hair
12. Filler flowers
12. Self depricating humour in men I am dating
11. Calculating nadirs of lab values
10. Having blood drawn
9. Meetings before 9AM or after 4PM
9. People who misrepresent themselves
8. Meeting people from the blogs for the first time. (Just the first two minutes where my social phobia kicks in.)
7. Not being Ms. Dr. Dr. Fish
7. Underachievement
7. Living in the Philadelphia area
6. Certain women who date my Jewish boys (They are mine. Please shop in a gentile department and leave them alone.)
5. Health Canada
5. Liars
4. Traffic jams both on roadways and runways
3. Chocolate
2. The Patriarchy
1. Bank of America Bank of Satan more...

Hookers and Blow

Some weekends are too epic to be discussed. Some weekends are too, well just too, to be discussed. And some weekends don't involve you and that's a good thing. Oh wait...

The best kinds of weekends usually start with AG waking up in a boy's bed without any voice and ending with a walk on the canals with Chuckles without any voice.

That's just how some weekends rock and roll.

It gets more awesome when Chuckles plays along by sitting next to a man whose property is adjacent to Joe Biden's and he's probably worth a couple Gs himself and chows down on free Indian food while discussing his science fiction writing and how he knows AG with Dr. Misanthrope. (Apparently AG is getting such a staring role in Doc's life, he went and looked up what exactly a blog was after hearing AG talk about one. What will he look up after she admitted she made out with John Kerry's staffer, once.) more...