Light At The End

Is it just me or have things been kind of dour and difficult to swallow lately? From Wisconsin to Libya from Supreme Court rulings to bonus checks for Goldman's CEO, it just seems like a big cluster fuck lately. So I've been trying to find things to put everything into perspective. To do what I can for me, my community and my family.

Here's what I came up with so far:

I am moving into a new home in another state later this month. (No more 'Dumb belt!') Exposed brick in an urban environment will do me some good.

My cousin had a baby last week. A very long, likely to be a basketball superstar, adorable, healthy baby.

My grant proposal was accepted and I have an all expenses research trip paid to Israel next month.

I have another grant application in that has been short listed into the possible pool of applicants to be accepted. It will allow me travel to Kenya and stay for safari in August.

I will be in Zion and Arches by month's end.

Very soon I will have a much bigger role in the sweeping changes blowing across the industry I have been a part of for the last decade. (Wow, a decade!)

My fellowship calls for me to testify before Congress this year.

I am learning to play the violin and training for a marathon.

While we all have challenges and the world is nowhere near where I thought it would be a mere four years ago, or even two for that matter, it has its diamonds that shine brightly.

I have learned to take time to smell the flowers and re-prioritize my life. To not take for granted every moment I have left with some of my older family members. I've learned that I can exhaust myself politically but the GOP is hell bent on doing what they are going to do without regard to logic, reason or evidence.

So instead of wasting good energy, intellect and time on things that I am not able to change, I am spending time finding opportunities for myself to do the things I've always wanted to do and live each day like it's my last. Life has not been fair to some of you reading this and I know that. My hope is that you will see a light at the end of your dark tunnel very soon. You deserve that! We all do. more...

Making Parents Proud

Not everyone gets the title of 'Pot Lawyer'. Think of the grades he must have had in law school to get that title. more...

Working On A Building

... and since the Figgs came up on playlisto, here's Figgs doing a cover of some obscure New York band:





adjust the bass.


also:



Boy, they sound hungover on that one, don't they?


moar edit
starting iTunes genius from the Figgs is AWESOME. more...

Dragging My Own Tombstone

Is today a mental Health day? Probably not. Won't stop me from doing some music though, and then I've got a couple of other things I need to do before I get into billable work, but those fuckers are taking their own sweet time to pay me, so what's the fucking rush?





35,917 songs. 149 gigs. The whole collection no longer fits on my large iPod, even when it's working. But I DIDN'T cut the Love Sounds of North American Frogs!


1. Kiss Off, Violent Femmes. I first saw them in 1983, playing the UWM ballroom. I think it cost two bucks to get in. Joel McNally played a typewriter with them. This is from a show recorded in 1982, for Michael Feldman's radio show.

Of course, the egos grew too large too fast. Lately, Gano sold the rights to a song to Wendy's - facking WENDY'S? - and Brian Ritchie sued him. Now the attorneys have taken over, Ritchie lives on the west Coast, Gano lives in NY, and the drummers still hang out in Milwaukee. But really, Gordo, Wendy's? I know it's a paycheck, and I am certainly NOT entitled to talk about what we do for money, but come ON.

2. Statue Of A Bum, Victoria Williams. Victoria is kind of an acquired taste, like Tom Waits, but well worth it. A few years back, she became one of the first in a long string of musicians who developed health problems (MS) and needed her friends to record a benefit album to pay her bills, eventually creating the Sweet Relief Fund to pay for other musicians hospital bills. The albums are still out there and are well worth it, some great artists covering her songs. Most notable are Pearl Jam doing Crazy Mary and Soul Asylum doing Summer of Drugs (they still do it in concert).

Seriously, bake sales to pay for musicians to stay healthy? For fuck's sake, if we can't save the lives of people who feed our souls, what the fuck are we doing? Just dissolve the country now and let anarchy take over. Other, more highly developed societies revere the creators in their lives. We toss them to the trash heap if they can't hit the top twenty. And if they do, we toss them out also. It's sick, it's uncivilized, and now I'm getting pissed and think I will go kick Paul Ryan's motherfucking Insurance-bought ass.

3. World Class Fad, Paul Westerberg. A minor rocker from his first solo album. Westerberg's minor songs are better than anybody else's A-list material. I've seen him a few times with the Replacements, both drunk and sober. Him I mean. I am pretty sure I was drunk every time. I even have a few of the live cuts recorded at one of the shows by one of the local radio stations.

4. Set Out Running, Neko Case. I was introduced to Neko by her work on Mekons albums. But of course, she's worked with the New Pornographers also, as well as her fine solo work like this one. I have been forced to miss her last couple of shows in town due to cash flow issues, and now she regularly sells out the venues. Don't miss live music, is what I'm saying here.

5. Here, Gravity Kills. Good old fashioned aggro-industrial from a few years back.

6. Ziggy Stardust, Bauhaus. I saw them a couple of years ago opening for NIN at Summerfest. Bauhaus is NOT a band to see in the daylight. It needs to be dark, yanno? Anyway, great song, great band, a little too faithful. Why not a little Bela Lugosi freakout?

7. Knock It Right Out, Paul Westerberg. Okay, I like Paul Westerberg, but jeez, ITunes, calm down, willya? This is a pretty good sloppy rocklet. After his first solo album, Westerberg started recording in his basement in the DIY aesthetic, and due to label fights (those labels. who's gonna miss em when they're gone? Plus, they have driven out all the people who knew anything about music) released the result as Grandpaboy. He released later stuff, the more garagey stuff, under the same monicker later.

8. My Heart Is A UFO, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. Clyne used to front The Refreshments; this is more Americana than that band. Obviously a healthy dose of humor.

9. Zero, Smashing Pumpkins. Melon Collie is one of the worst titled albums ever. And while it seems every double disc ever released will eventually be negatively described as 'sprawling' by some critic, this one seems to really deserve it. There's some good stuff on here, but really, buy a little focus, Corgan.

The Pumpkins used to come up to Milwaukee on a regular basis, playing a basement club called the Unicorn. Often, they would be trying out new material, in front of a smaller crowd. Another unfortunate miss on my part, it seems that much of Siamese Dream was acid tested there.

10. Century Plant, Victoria Williams. iTunes seems to want to double up all day. Oh well. More Victoria.

11. Some Postman, The Presidents Of The United States of America. heh. The later stuff, after the novelty hits on their first album, is really pretty good power pop. And I am ALL ABOUT the power pop.

12. Captain America, Styx. OK, this one is pretty cringeworthy. Moral, kids: Don't drink and go to iTunes with a credit card.

13. Sultans of Swing, Dire Straits. Holy hell, that's a bit of whiplash. Pretty good song to go out on, though. more...

Unbreak The Promise

Of course, much of the recent political blathering has focused on the so-called stimulus bill, also known as 'Porkulus' amongst the dittohead set.

The opposition, including such drains on society as John Boehner and Rush Limbaugh (folks with whom the words 'honest work' have never been juxtaposed) claim that the spending on projects would not result in jobs. RNC chair and gift-to-humor-writers Michael Steele obediently trotted out the meme that 'government never creates REAL jobs', which will of course come as a complete surprise to the nation's police, firefighters, teachers, politicians, and the entire membership of AFSCME. Maybe the jobless losers employed by the government need to eat more meat, like 'real' men. And before AG goes off, I use the word 'men' to refer to the 'real man' trope, not to imply that all these workers are men, far from it.

These Republican politicians, who have never seen a government check they are unwilling to cash and spend on wetsuits and dildos, would faint from pearl clutching if anybody expected them to break a sweat doing any of the work stipulated in the ARRA, let alone if anybody even asked them to put in a full 40 hours in a week.

This was the gist of my thoughts while I was measuring a tenant space this week, getting covered in dirt and earning a dollar or two. I used to joke that I went to college for seven years to get a job coloring (and I didn't even have to stay in the lines); now, I've added a decade or two of experience to that so I could crawl through decrepit buildings with tape measures. I think my career arc looks like a frown.

So it was with a grim sense of amusement that I saw a brand new set of solicitations for services from our State. Many of them were clearly labeled as part of the Federal stimulus package, and noted that they intended to provide them to firms who had not received recent awards. Small and large, they are an illuminating illustration of how the Stimulus bill will actually, you know, provided STIMULUS, you republican obstructionist fucks.

Let me lay it out for the really slow people, like Milwaukee County executive Scott Walker (who recently said he would reject any stimulus money coming to the county, although he doesn't have the authority do that). The stim money is administered by the State (among others, of course.). This is distributed through a bidding process (you know, that thing that Halliburton and Blackwater never had to do). A successful firm provides services and products to the State, for which they receive checks from the Stimulus money. That money goes to pay employees, and vendors; these folks then take that money and use it to pay for food, and rent, and taxes, and other good stuff. Some of them might even make enough to buy a car with it. Radical, huh? And Socialist, let's not forget that. Because in the course of this transaction, the State and it's residents receive VALUE in new products and construction and maybe even a safer, cleaner, more pleasant standard of living. Keep in mind that this is something that all the fancy-pants Credit default swaps never provided, except to swindlers like Madoff and Stanford.

In the farthest reaches of imagination, one might even fantasize that a certain Zombee might successfully negotiate some of these contracts. Keep in mind, you right wing numbskulls, that this Certain Zombee is a private businessman, not beholden to any government. But even ONE of these contracts would allow for private business to continue operating, even in the wildest reaches of imagination to hire other professionals.

i KNOWW!!! It's a crazy scenario, isn't it? It's like Bizarro world! How can Government Spending result in the flourishing of PRIVATE BUSINESS????? IT IS A MYSTERY!

ALSO: Tonguejack my shitbox, you lying Republican obstructionist twerps.

OT, but critically funny, at least to this poor old Zombie. Chuck Schumer becomes a friend to zombies, raising our political profile. Although I gotta say that one might think that these entities would, you know, be more forthcoming to help a brother zombie out. more...

Bad Times Are Comin' Round Again

OK, a little music to set the mood. Enjoy, and fix yourself a big fuckin drink while you do:



Couldn't find the Post Title on UTube, so this is the Wacos doing a fine cover of an old Neil Young tune. Appropriate, I think...

Now let's look at this (courtesy Sadly, No!):



Sweet living fuck.

My business and industry has been slowly petering out for two years now. I think I started writing about a worsening economy in summer of 2007? The construction industry actually is a pretty good canary in the coal mine of our economy, and architects are at the front end of the process. Construction feeds a lot of STIMULUS into the economy in the form of orders for materials, equipment, and relatively well paying jobs. When it starts to slow down, I have seen that the rest of the economy follows.

I wouldn't claim it is causal, but the two are related to the same underlying structure, and construction serves as a much better indicator than the stock market...

But look at that. the dropoff is terrifying. It's not gonna turn around, it's not. I start to see why nothing is happening.

I think even Krugman is trying to soften the blow when he talks, because if the reality was apparent... well, the alcohol, drugs, and firearms industries would effin skyrocket. Not to mention the suicide rate.

Count yourself lucky if you're drawing a paycheck. Hunker down, friends and enemies, because it looks like the Republicans are going to prevent our government from helping out as much as they can.

If you're not a fuckin millionaire or a banker, you're on your fuckin own. Help your neighbors out if you can.

[EDIT] The next right winger, conservative, or just plain dumbass who stands in front of me and tells me that the economy is not that bad, that spending provides no stimulus and more tax cuts is what's needed gets kicked in the throat.

[EDIT EDIT] Yes I'm pissed. I had to lay people off, good people who I liked. If you never had to do that, shut the fuck up. It sucks. And I'm scrambling to find work. My brother is laid off. My other brother is working less. Fuck the Bankers. Fuck the Republicans. Fuck Congress.

[Edit cubed] I hope that was enough effin effin for effin AG. If not, I can eff a bit more. Eff it all anyway. I need to make another effin drink. more...

Learning Lessons

I was forced to face two things about myself yesterday, and they were not easy lessons:

1. I am spoiled
2. I am irrationally afraid of the southern United States

#1

I was born an only daughter, oldest granddaughter on one side and youngest on the other to a JAP first born. I came of age in a political family where Ethan Allen was on the speed dial, prep schools were paid for in cash, and parents did not discuss money because it was dispensed like droplets of water on cold dewy April mornings. I never really realized how spoiled I was until I did something awful to someone yesterday. When it became apparent to me that I had hurt someone that I care a great deal for, I felt almost no remorse at first. In my mind, I was just doing what I always do – getting my way. So, what was the problem?

I have frequently had things handed to me. When you grow up in the shadows of twin siblings as a non twin, the world is a bizarre complex organism that makes very little sense. On one hand, you are the outsider always looking into the miraculous world that twins are granted because they shared a womb. Yet, the world looks to you with excited eyes too, because you walk and talk alone. You have no replica. As a child growing up in this environment, I discovered how to work it to my advantage. Having two incredibly brilliant brothers, we did not fight like normal siblings. There was no pushing their sister down and stealing her baby dolls. Instead it was measuring your sister and then placing things just high enough that she could not rest her fingers on them. It was about bragging about SATs scores that your sister would have to wait four years before she could de-throne you. It was also about your little sister taking the one thing you hated most; having a shadow and making grist at the mill out of it. Said sister would announce every 11th of September just how wonderful it was to have a party of her very own. Bubie and Zaidie were coming to see her. Not anybody else. They were coming solely for her. Not for duo, oh noes. Not for niente. For uno! Burn, bitches.

When they went off to boarding school and then college, AG stayed behind and took over the yard. From about age 14 onwards, AG became an only child. The parents may not have noticed this much but the cleaning and maid staff noticed pretty quickly who was to be catered to and who was now calling the shots.

What I learned from this disgraceful experience is that the world will give you whatever you want in these circumstances. You never have to want for anything. And that is a cushy little place upon which to rest your bones. However, you learn greed and disrespect for others. You learn to game the system and how to control the stakes. The end result is bad behaviors that hurt others in the process.

#2
I am petrified of the American south. I have explored most of the US with the exception of most of the southern states (TN, LA, MS). Therefore, I am putting this out there with full disclosure: I am afraid of what I do not know. Growing up in the Northeast, the south was often portrayed as poor, dirty, and undereducated. Thus there is absolutely no reason for me to say this other than out of fear and stereotypes that were taught to me by others and self perpetuated. To some extent, they were not incorrect and MS frightens me as it is the poorest state in the nation.

I am pledging to come to terms with both of these issues this year. I have been challenged by the merits of having the influence of someone who has finally encouraged me to learn guilt and have some self respect. I did someone dirty recently and in doing so, hurt said person deeply. After I was made aware of my actions, I realized that while I am spoiled, I have the ability to control that and no longer be a victim to it. To apologize and improve myself and in doing so love someone more than I love myself. A lesson I should have learned like most around the age of seven. Sadly, not all of us grow at the same pace...

As I come to terms with my lack of self awareness, I am going to be exposed to the "deep south". I am being granted the opportunity to visit the south over the next few months and walk hand and hand with someone who will hold my hand a little longer and stronger when I show signs of fear. When I breathe a little harder and cry a little longer. He will care for me as I overcome my fears and see abject poverty up close and personal. His family will afford me solace in a world of greed and hunger. They will be there to explain to me anything I wonder and wipe my tears as I come to accept the world is not filled with all things perfect, easy, or elegant. (Yes, I weep whenever I see the true side of America that I did not come of age in. The last time I did this was in poor Northeast Philadelphia) Given such, I am taking back something I uttered last night.

I no longer want my old life back. I am learning to embrace my new life and the people who are in it. I am no longer afraid. I am running, not strolling, to what feels good and comfortable. I will no longer try to question or fight it. Rather I will accept and love everything about my life. Fear or no fear, spoiled or not spoiled, I am more fortunate today than I have ever been in my life. For that, I thank everyone who has made my new life this orgasmic. I could not have reached the summit without you! more...

Happy Christmas

Sweet Chthulhu, has there been a better holiday song in the last twenty years?  Don't make me come out there and hurt you.

Good dog, is there a sweeter voice than Kirsty MacColl's? (I saw her singing with Midge Ure once, before her untimely demise. In the midst of life, etc. etc.)

Is there an uglier mother than Shane McGowan?


I was more than a bit down his week. I put on my christmas playlist tonight, and poured (several) glasses of wine. As you might imagine, the tunes may have been short on the standards, but plenty of good alternative stuff. The Chieftains, Bruce Cockburn, Barenaked Ladies, They Might Be Giants, Mojo Nixon.... lots of other good stuff, even more non-traditional stylee....

The Payolas, Christmas is Coming.  The Pretenders, 2000 Miles.  I listened to David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing the Little Drummer Boy while I was watching war pictures on the news.  XTC, Thanks For Christmas.  Low.  Weird Al, even (Christmas At Ground Zero.  Maybe not so funny after 2001;  maybe even better).  Trans-Siberian Orchestra, yes and I won't apologize.  The Kinks and ELP.  Cracker, Merry Christmas Emily.  Carnival Art, Bring A Torch Jeannette Isabella; Queen.  Los Lobos.  Ramones, Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight).  Cocteau Twins.  Sarah McLachlan. Timbuk 3, All I want For Christmas (is World Peace). Yes, even Geldof and Band Aid, bite me already.

O so much more, over 200 songs.  Blue Girl and Neddie Jingo.  Henry Rollins doing Night Before Christmas. A Rounder Records sampler.  Spinal Tap and MightyMighty Bosstones.  If I could work out a clean cassette-to-digital transfer, I would have a superb local band, the Mighty (Rein)Deerlick doing Bells To The Wall.

I was more than a bit down this week.  Perhaps unexpectedly, this odd assortment of noises... has made me feel better.  You know, the artists all did their songs earnestly, very little irony involved (except maybe Wall of Voodoo's Shouldn't Have Given Him A Gun For Christmas).  Even for a pathetic embittered atheist, honest expressions of love, hope and peace can be soothing.  Healing.

I was more than a bit down this week, this month, this fall, this year.  As ever it seems , I find help and solace in music.  As my son's Spamalot shirt says, I'm not dead yet.

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