Unbreak The Promise

Of course, much of the recent political blathering has focused on the so-called stimulus bill, also known as 'Porkulus' amongst the dittohead set.

The opposition, including such drains on society as John Boehner and Rush Limbaugh (folks with whom the words 'honest work' have never been juxtaposed) claim that the spending on projects would not result in jobs. RNC chair and gift-to-humor-writers Michael Steele obediently trotted out the meme that 'government never creates REAL jobs', which will of course come as a complete surprise to the nation's police, firefighters, teachers, politicians, and the entire membership of AFSCME. Maybe the jobless losers employed by the government need to eat more meat, like 'real' men. And before AG goes off, I use the word 'men' to refer to the 'real man' trope, not to imply that all these workers are men, far from it.

These Republican politicians, who have never seen a government check they are unwilling to cash and spend on wetsuits and dildos, would faint from pearl clutching if anybody expected them to break a sweat doing any of the work stipulated in the ARRA, let alone if anybody even asked them to put in a full 40 hours in a week.

This was the gist of my thoughts while I was measuring a tenant space this week, getting covered in dirt and earning a dollar or two. I used to joke that I went to college for seven years to get a job coloring (and I didn't even have to stay in the lines); now, I've added a decade or two of experience to that so I could crawl through decrepit buildings with tape measures. I think my career arc looks like a frown.

So it was with a grim sense of amusement that I saw a brand new set of solicitations for services from our State. Many of them were clearly labeled as part of the Federal stimulus package, and noted that they intended to provide them to firms who had not received recent awards. Small and large, they are an illuminating illustration of how the Stimulus bill will actually, you know, provided STIMULUS, you republican obstructionist fucks.

Let me lay it out for the really slow people, like Milwaukee County executive Scott Walker (who recently said he would reject any stimulus money coming to the county, although he doesn't have the authority do that). The stim money is administered by the State (among others, of course.). This is distributed through a bidding process (you know, that thing that Halliburton and Blackwater never had to do). A successful firm provides services and products to the State, for which they receive checks from the Stimulus money. That money goes to pay employees, and vendors; these folks then take that money and use it to pay for food, and rent, and taxes, and other good stuff. Some of them might even make enough to buy a car with it. Radical, huh? And Socialist, let's not forget that. Because in the course of this transaction, the State and it's residents receive VALUE in new products and construction and maybe even a safer, cleaner, more pleasant standard of living. Keep in mind that this is something that all the fancy-pants Credit default swaps never provided, except to swindlers like Madoff and Stanford.

In the farthest reaches of imagination, one might even fantasize that a certain Zombee might successfully negotiate some of these contracts. Keep in mind, you right wing numbskulls, that this Certain Zombee is a private businessman, not beholden to any government. But even ONE of these contracts would allow for private business to continue operating, even in the wildest reaches of imagination to hire other professionals.

i KNOWW!!! It's a crazy scenario, isn't it? It's like Bizarro world! How can Government Spending result in the flourishing of PRIVATE BUSINESS????? IT IS A MYSTERY!

ALSO: Tonguejack my shitbox, you lying Republican obstructionist twerps.

OT, but critically funny, at least to this poor old Zombie. Chuck Schumer becomes a friend to zombies, raising our political profile. Although I gotta say that one might think that these entities would, you know, be more forthcoming to help a brother zombie out. more...