Rage Against The Machine

FUCK YOU, KATHY NIKOLAUS.  FUCK YOUR PARTISAN PIEHOLE WITH THAT WISCONSIN-SHAPED AWARD THAT YOUR HANDS ARE NOT FIT TO HOLD. AND THEN SHOVE THAT AMERICAN FLAG RIGHT UP YOUR ASS UNTIL THE STARS ARE VISIBLE BEHIND THAT FUCKING SMILE AND THE TASSELS ARE HANGING OUT OF YOUR EARS.

So.  The twisted scumbucket from Walkersha in that picture is either guilty of felonious fraud, ethical lapses large enough to drive a mothballed Space Shuttle through sideways, mind-bendingly appalling incompetence, or all three.

She claims that an entire voting district was inadvertently omitted from their tally reports on Tuesday.  Somehow, an entire district showed up as ZERO when she reported it, and she did not find this worth looking at a bit closer before reporting results.

AND, when the votes for this putative district are tallied, it just so happens to put Prosser ahead by JUST ENOUGH to exceed the 0.5% threshold for automatic, State-funded recount.  Convenient, that.  Almost as if she waited until the reported results were firm before the final numbers could be determined.

This.

And this.

She keeps the results on her own, personal PC.  Without backup.  Without security.  Fuck what a fucking idiot.

Let's be clear here:  I do not know for certain that smirky McFuckingClerk up there knowingly committed election fraud, how could I?  But given the way the Republicans in this state and country are behaving, I certainly do THINK that is the case, oh my fucking yes. Given that this election is vital for their anti-Wisconsin, pro-corporate agenda to make any headway.

Fuck the Republican Party in Wisconsin.  They can't even fucking do FRAUD believably.

I fully expect Turdwaffle Walker to Imperially suspend any recount attempts, either by defunding the election commission or firing them.  Florida 2000 is a template, not an aberration.

OF COURSE she was near tears during the presser.  She knows that she is going to be the sacrificial lamb to retain Fuckhead Prosser's job and preserve Imperial Walker's reign.  She shouldn't worry; she will be re-hired by a Koch Industries shill in some lucrative make work position, but she also knows she will have to be publicly shamed first.  But things will turn out fine for this shitweasel of a County Clerk. I hear the $81,000 drunken college dropout's position is available.

Fuck YOU, Kathy Nikolaus.  Fuck you and you NEED to be fired on Monday.  Get your fucking dirty hands out of my fucking state, and don't touch the fucking doorknob on the way out.  Here, let me get you started by kicking you in the ass.


Driftglass and BlueGal mentioned something in their podcast this week, which is further reinforced in this Great Orange Satan post.  Her story partially hinges on the claim that she "forgot" to save the data in MS Access.  Of course, Access does not require you to save.

Substance McGravitas' annoying evenhandedness notwithstanding, GUILTY, GUILTY GUILTY!!!

hypnotic image by Substance McGravitas

Citizen Action of  Wisconsin is calling for Federal investigation.  On the day that the Federal Government shuts down.  Ooops.

At least Kloppenberg is starting with a demand for Open Records, which will be the first part of challenging this extremely suspicious and disturbing turn of events.  If the votes differential remains greater than 0.5%, Kloppenberg will need to pay for a recount; if so, I will post a link to donate towards this fund.  A recount will be the only way to drag any shenanigans out into the light. more...

Collapse Into Now

Fuck You Friday will be suspended for an indeterminate period.

Fuck.

In fact, we should probably just imagine this as the end scene of a zombie movie, when all the axes are dripping with zombie guts, the hero is holding up the lawnmower to the last wave as JUST ENOUGH GAS drips into the tank to keep it running, and the rest of the breather cast drives up in the heavily modified schoolbus to drive them away to a safe mall. more...

Little Fury Things

Now this is kind of weird.  After the first Fuck You Friday, that doofus Tundra driver started parking straighter.  And then, after last week's rage-blast, Scott Walker has a total Stupid Event on the phone.

It may not change the game in Madison, it may not end the Imperial Walker's reign, but it definitely made him look like the fucking idiot he is, and on a national stage. 

Here we go with this week's Fuck You Friday.....


FUCK YOU SCOTT WALKER AND THE WISCONSIN REPUBLICANS.  FUCK YOU WITH MEDICARE-PROVIDED CRUTCHES.  Fuck you for packing so much shit into that Fake Emergency Budget Bill that it takes the combined forces of Media Matters, The Capital Times, Firedoglake, Scooby Doo and the ghost of Hunter S. Thompson to unpack the stinking foul mess.

Just for starters, you fucking squeezebag, the change to Badgercare from a State-administered program to a program administered directly by the Secretary for Health.  Now, here's the FUCK part, you fucking fuck:  the S of H you installed is one Dennis Smith, a shitweasel from The Heritage Foundation that thinks every state shouldopt out of Medicare and Medicaid.

So Fucking Scott Walker puts a guy in charge of Wisconsin's health care, that believes that it should be dismantled.  I know, I know, it's SOP for Republican turdwaffles.  But Fuck YOU Scott Walker, with Dennis Smith's sun-bleached bones after rabid honey badgers have eaten him.

[EDIT]  Graphic from MIke Konczal showing the overall form of Imperial Walker's budget plan:

Fuck, I have GOT to move on from this guy.  Or perhaps more rationally, he has got to move on from us.  Just go take your fucking sinecure polishing the Kock Knobs already, you simpering dipshit

[MOAR EDIT]  FUCK YOU, WISCONSIN ASSEMBLY REPUBLICANS, FOR RAMMING YOUR PART OF THE FAKE EMERGENCY BUDGET BILL DOWN THE THROATS OF WISCONSINITES.  FUCK YOU WITH EVERY FUCKING POWER TOOL AT THE UNIONS DISPOSAL.  The Assembly's passage of the bill allows them to shut down debate, close the session, and close the Capitol Building, forcing protesters out.

Saying it again:  FORCING PROTESTERS, WISCONSINITES ALL, OUT OF THE PEOPLE'S CAPITOL BUILDING.  OUR HOUSE, as thundra puts it.  I guess the fucking weak-ass Republicans got tired of hearing somebody who disagrees with them.  But I fucking bet if David  "Sweet" Kock shows, up, he gets walked right  the fuck in, because he pretty much bought and paid for that fucking building now, didn't he?  Fucking Scott Walker, Fucking Republicans, and Fucking Useless Rich asswipes who never did a worthwhile thing in their worthless fucking lives since drawing first breath and inheriting their jerk father's endless millions.

Fuck you all with "Wisconsin's" upraised arm thrusting Forward until it comes out your fucking throat.  Rinse.  Repeat.

FUCK YOU FUCKING WINTER.  FUCK YOU WITH THE SWEET DREAMS OF SUMMER AND THE TASTE OF THE FIRST BEER OF SUMMERFEST.  This happens every winter, sometime in February.  Deep into the throes of a week-long deep freeze, knowing that when the sun comes out it will only presage another day of bitter, bitter cold.  Then, 2 feeet of snow.  When it's done snowing, the wind starts to blow - HARD- driving needles of hard snow into your face while you're trying to shovel the drifts out of the driveway.  Snot drips down your face and freezes.

And in the morning, you find it all drifted over again.  Plus, the snowplows have driven 18 inches of packed ice into a dam at the end of the driveway.

At the end of one of these days, there will usually be a news item about several guys who have dropped dead while shoveling snow;  invariably, death is ascribed to heart attacks, but it seems more likely that they just lost their last flickering remnant of hope.

Fuck.

FUCK YOU, MIKE PENCE; FUCK YOU MARYLAND, GEORGIA, SOUTH DAKOTA, NEBRASKA, OHIO.  OR, AS GEORGE CARLIN ONCE SAID, UN-FUCK YOU.  ALL THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE SHOULD JUST STOP FUCKING YOU.  Admittedly, a pretty good number of these closeted pricks would probably PREFER that their beards stop fucking them.

 The GOP has apparently decided that this is their last chance to ram through any piece of shit misogynist crapbill they can dream up. Redefining rape, open season on abortion providers, de-funding women's health care, what the fuck have you.

Men should not be able to author these bills. Or vote for them.  Until each and every one of these shitweasels pushing this crap has been raped and forced to carry the resulting child to term.  And inject them with incurable herpes while you're at it.  Oh wait, these assholes probably already have diseases, judging by the decay of their (admittedly damaged to begin with) brains.  Also, as rich jackasses, THEY will always have access to health care and abortion if they need it.

Fuck them with a speculum.  TWO speculums.  HOT speculums.  with sharp edges.  And rusty.


FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN.  YOUR HAIR LOOKS STUPID AND YOUR EARS STICK OUT; YOU LOOK LIKE FUCKING EDDIE MUNSTER.  NOW, GO AWAY.

hypnotic image by Substance McGravitas

Dunno.  This was a hard one.  I will try to be more enraged next week.  It's a safe bet Scott Walker will make another appearance.

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There Is Power In A Union

Bily Bragg says there is only ONE proper candidate for this week's Fuck You Friday.

FUCK YOU SCOTT WALKER. FUCK YOU WITH A TEACHER'S SPLINTERY YARDSTICK WHILE A SNOW PLOW DRIVER RUNS OVER YOUR LEGS AND DANCING BADGERS EAT YOUR BALLS. THEN SPIT THEM INTO YOUR EARS. WHILE THE DEFENSIVE LINE OF THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPION GREEN BAY PACKERS STOMP ON YOUR EYES WITH THEIR CLEATS.

I would think most of you have seen some of the happening in my state of Wisconsin. Rachel Maddow made an excellent point in Thursday's show, that in the wake of Citizens United and the wanton destruction of ACORN, unions are the only large organizations that reliably support democrats. So of course, Republicans have decided that unions must die, and have apparently decided that the Republican dominated Wisconsin Lege is the right vehicle to lead the charge.

FUCK YOU Scott Walker, for pissing away Wisconsin's projected budget surplus through corporate tax goodies. A surplus, by the way, created by a Democratic Governor.

FUCK YOU, Scott Walker, for using this artificially created Fake Budget Crisis to insist on concessions by public employees; concessions that were not necessary until you fucked up the budget.

FUCK YOU Scott Walker for creating a bill that supposedly is intended to "fix the budget" - a budget that is only broken becasue of YOU - and filling the bill with non-budgetary items. Items like the stripping of collective bargaining, which has no impact on the budget; it is only a bald-faced attempt to break a union.

FUCK YOU, Wisconsin Republicans, for fast tracking this shit sandwich of a bill, addressing a budget that doesn't even need to be voted on for several months, in a naked attempt to shove it into law with no time for anyone to review, comment, or amend it.

FUCK YOU, Scott Walker and Wisconsin Republicans for reversing Wisconsin's century long leadership in worker's rights.

FUCK YOU, Wisconsin voters, for sending this right wing shill and authoritarian sheep fucker to the State Capitol because you don't like having a black man in the White House. Those of us who have lived in Milwaukee County while he bled it dry screamed warnings, but who listened? Not you, you low information squeezebags. Well, too late now, but the rest of us have to live in the hell you voted into power. And a second Fuck You for sending Walker-clone and male RealDoll Ron Johnson to the Senate in place of Russ Feingold. Fuck you.

FUCK YOU, Scott Walker and Fox News, for referring to the thousands of people protesting in Madison as thugs and violent. These are teachers, police, firemen, parks personnel, AND THEIR STUDENTS, FAMILIES, AND CHILDREN. Fuck you, seriously. The Teabaggers are the ones who carry and fetishize their penis-substitute guns. THESE ARE TEACHERS. Fuck off and die, just not around here, cuz you'll stink and draw flies.

FUCK YOU, national news media and Village Pundit People, for doing your best to ignore 15,000 - 30,000 people protesting in Madison EVERY DAY -IN THE WINTER - while you cream your jeans every time three Teabaggers have a circle jerk, even if two of them can't find their dicks because they can't get out of their Medicare-financed Rascal. I realize that you are intimidated by the lack of errors on the Madison protester's signs, but look, there are a lot of teachers in the crowd and they are probably willing to help you with your grammar and spelling.  Even if you are being cobags.

FUCK YOU, Republicans, for heartlessly and relentlessly demonizing public employees over the past year. As Dean Baker said, "Wall Street fat cats cratered the economy, and have managed to place the blame on schoolteachers and bus drivers." These are our neighbors, our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. Our FAMILIES. I hope they fucking flunk your kids, you toad-raping corporate suck-whores. Oh, I forgot, yousend your precious spawn to private schools so they don't have to associate with the proles, don't you? Fuck you in your tender lily-white (because you KNOW they are white) asses. With concrete settlement vibrators.

hypnotic image by Substance McGravitas

RECALL SCOTT TURDWAFFLE WALKER NOW.

I begin to suspect that Imperial Walker may be a perennial guest on Fuck You Fridays.

[update;  driftglass and  bluegal's new podcast talks at length about Wisconsin's protests. Hey, why not listen at work?]

[MOAR EDIT.  Since I pretty much stole this schtick from Rude Pundit, you might as well read the original where he's got a sweet heartfelt letter to The Turdwaffle.]

[Fuck You Friday Post-Action Report. After venting about the owner of a HUGE white Tundra and his inability to park, I discover that apparently Dude reads the Empire. Because after Substance suggested photographing, I started to do so and the rest of this week, Dude actually has been parking in a reasonable fashion. I mean, it's still a huge ugly oversized Penis implant vehicle, that doesn't quite fit into the spaces, but at least he's now limiting himself to a single space. So one week, one win. Yay, FYF!]

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another set of teeth

As threatened promised, I am inaugurating a brand new FEATURE here at the Empire, hoping to attract just scads of commenters and become a big time blogger like Atrios or Jennifer.  Or maybe just howl into the darkness.  Anyway, here goes the very first installment of Fuck You Fridays.

Rules are pretty simple; there aren't any, really.  I'm going to unleash childish invective and foulmouthed taunts on a variety of targets that currently are spiking my aggro.  Anybody venturing into the blast radius is encouraged to vent their own bile, mock me for my bad attitude, or post cute kitty pictures in order to get me to CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

First on the braining block:  FUCK YOU RONALD REAGAN HAGIOGRAPHERS, FUCK YOU WITH AN IMAGINARY WELFARE QUEEN'S IMAGINARY CADILLAC.  Reagan is already fucking dead, so you know, why bother with him?  but the near-constant attempts to deify the senile sponge-nugget, in the face of all facts and history, brings his pathetic, knob-gobbling sycophantic followers a prime spot in FYF.  A few facts about this manufactured senile excuse for an elected official:

1. Reagan raised taxes ELEVEN FUCKING TIMES during his eight years of doddering figurehead performance.  He had to, in fact, to avoid complete meltdown of America's governmental structure, even in the face of insane borrowing. And yes, this is news to Rush Limbaugh.
2. In fact, he created more deficit THAN THE ENTIRE AMOUNT AMASSED BY THE COUNTRY TO DATE.  He TRIPLED the national debt.  It took a democratic president, of course, to fix it.
3. Reagan was divorced.  And married Nancy because she was pregnant.  He also never really went to church during his presidency.  Not that I care, but it's an out and out lie to present him as a Christian and/or moral  in anything but name.
4. Reagan ignored AIDS, at a time when quicker recognition and action could have prevented thousands of deaths.
5. After his massive tax cuts, aimed at the rich, unemployment jumped to 10 percent. 

I could go on but sheesh.  Just leave the senile old fuck to rot, you moronic authoritarian power worshippers.  Just let him go.  He was only surpassed as a sucky President by GWB, who was likely more stupid, even compensating for the Alzheimer's.   Fuck all y'all dead guy knob-gobblers.

Next up:  FUCK YOU, SCOTT WALKER.  FUCK YOU WITH A WIND TURBINE. WHILE IT'S RUNNING.  True story; last weekend, all the buses in Milwaukee had their reader boards alternating between routes an "Go Pack Go" and one bus we saw even was decked out in full vehicle green and gold livery.  I mused about who paid for the signage, and although I eventually figured the company that did the vinyl signage probably donated it, initially postulated that Walker, on his way out of town, found a couple of thousand extra dollars he hadn't bled out of the County yet.

Because that is the hallmark of his tenure at Milwaukee County executive;  pretend that cutting county taxes by a miniscule percentage was fight for the little guy, although it primarily benefited wealthy white absentee landowners (as it was designed to do) and simultaneously dismantle and destroy County services, which benefit largely low income and poor residents.  Then, things that can't be cut can be sent to private, no bid companies for higher cost and lower service.  And now that the park system and transit system have become a shadow of their former lauded standard, he has moved on to the Big House in Madison, to do the same for our state.

And he hasn't wasted any fucking time, has he?  His first action, taken before he even took the fucking office, was to refuse to participate in a regional high speed rail system connecting Chicago, Milwaukee, Madison and Minneapolis.  Not only does this excise Wisconsin from the financial aspects of this new infrastructure improvement, it caused a rail manufacturer, Talgo, to decide to move their new manufacturing facility back out of Milwaukee;  a facility already under development.

BUT;  just to continue being a squeezebag, he  plans to rollback a policy supporting wind power, which had already started creating good manufacturing jobs in the state.

What a fucking asshole. Fuck You Scott Walker.

Also:  FUCK YOU, DUDE WITH A WHITE TUNDRA WHO PARKS IN THE STRUCTURE ADJACENT TO MY OFFICE; FUCK YOU WITH A BURNING GAS PUMP NOZZLE.  Look, I don't give a shit what kind of oversized penis substitute you drive around.  It's your wallet, and gas isn't going much below 3 bucks a gallon ever again; but seeing as how you and I both share a downtown parking structure that is on the smallish size, IS IT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK THAT YOU LEARN HOW TO PARK YOUR WHITE WHALE BETWEEN THE FUCKING LINES?  And if THAT is really too much for you, howzabout you park one level up, where you can park across two or three spaces with impunity?  Because it is really going to annoy you when somebody gives your thyroidal behemoth a key-stripe job for taking all that extra space in the prime parking spots.

Everybody else that parks there will laugh, though.  Yes, we all notice how you park.  No, nobody thinks you have the right to park like that.  Learn to park or buy a reasonably sized vehicle, you gaseous blob.  Fuck you and your stupid pickup that never has dirt on it.


Finally:  FUCK YOU, ZOMBIE ROTTEN MCDONALD; FUCK YOU WITH A BOX OF ZOMBIE MOVIES. Is it possible for you to be more whiny?  "oh, life is hard, my career is stagnant, I'm ugly..."  And everybody hates you.  Shut up and do something about it.  Sheesh.

Oh, and the zombie thing is stupid and tiresome.  Shut the fuck up already.

In short, FUCK ALL Y'ALL UP ABOVE. more...