More Advice

We return to teen advice giving that is sound for life:

"What can you do if you have zits on your back? Why are they there instead of my face. What can I do?" -John D.

Oh Johnny! They are there because they are not on your face, silly. What can you do? Wash regularly and wear a t-shirt so young women don't find that repulsive. (Or men if you swing that way!) more...

Don't Fuck With This Band

Matthew S. writes, "How can you make friends when nobody wants to be friends?"

Mattie, I suggest it starts with moving out of Wisconsin and cutting your hair, punk. more...

Girls Who Are Mean

Pete K. shares today:

"There's a girl at school who I like who told me she doesn't like me because my fingernails are gross."

Peter Peter Pumpkin eater, you can take this one of two ways:

1. The ole it's "Not You...", when it is in fact you.

or

2. She's a whole lot of crazy because fingernails have little to do with riding the cowboy.

Either way, send her a valentine next year and write her off like a bad check. more...

Hair Care

Today, Emily H. wrote:

"My hair is really dull and hard to control. It never looks right. What can I do?"

Well Emily H., the answer is pretty clear: shave it all off. more...

And now for something completely different

AG is introducing a new shtick here. While strolling the streets of the French Quarter recently, I purchased Growing And Changing. A Handbook For Preteens. This delightful gem from Putnam Publishing, McCoy & Wibbelsman (1983) is sure to educate us all. Without much explanation, let's get this column party started.

Chapter Nine: Coping with the Common Problems of Puberty

Allen H. wrote in:

"I have an usual problem: I can feel only one testicle. I thought there were supposed to be two. Will I grow another one when I am older? I'm 13 already and fairly mature. How long should I wait to see if one grows? I'm too embarrassed to go to a doctor about it. Does having one ball mean I won't be able to have sex or children?"

Let's clear up two important points immediately:

First and foremost, one ball or no balls -- sex is always on the table, and on the floors and backseat if you are lucky. One balled Steve still impregnated Miranda on Sex and the City, so Cowboy Alex is good to go.

Secondly, avoiding a doctor can result in more issues, if an issue is present. See a doctor immediately whenever you suspect you have a medical issue or concern. Waiting can result in further harm or damage.

As the authors suggest, it is possible that Allen has an undescended testicle (UT). Before birth, both testicles are in the developing male's abdomen. By birth, however, they have descended into the scrotum for most boys. Without a reference, they state that only 1 in 500 males has an UT by puberty. Others more recent work touch upon the genetic factors that suggest UT are identified in 1.5-4% of fathers and 6.2% of male siblings of patients with UT. Heritability in first-degree male relatives is approximately 0.67. Genetic markers are more important in this case than a sterile number of X out of Y males.

Since my declared research area (I know, nobody was more surprised than me when I didn't cut bait. We'll cover that soon because it involves giving the members of Congress a lap dance. No really!), is medical ethics of the intersexed individual, I sometimes have access to good stuff. Allen should study the below diagram and discuss his concerns with the school nurse in the morning:

more...