When Bread Becomes Meaning

Here it is -- a little personal diary entry today coming at you. Please forgive me as I wish to share a brief glimpse into why I have not been available lately:

I attended my first ultra orthodox religious services this week and had my perceptions of the world cleansed. A good friend’s father was an orthodox rabbi and said friend has asking me to meet her family for some time now. Since her mother still resides in the area and attends shul in a Jewish community north of the city that counted the Omer over the past 49 days, it seemed fitting for me to become part of her extended family this week.

In speaking with my friend recently, she thought it would be great for me in particular to sit among one her parent’s friend who has her doctorate, four children, and an amazing career. She is gorgeous and surreal in her all of 50 years and more vibrant than anyone I have ever met. Meanwhile, she believes in the teaching of orthodoxy while living in a modern world.

Shulie, as she is called, hosts an all night Torah lesson on Shavuot and this year I had the fortune of being invited. After arriving moments before shul services ended on Tuesday night (My friend’s idea, not mine!), we walked to the home of Shulie and her family. Their neighborhood where they reside includes Frank Lloyd Wright architecture complete with the majority of the homes having stone carved archways. It was a mere treat just to simply walk the neighborhood, let alone be invited into the homes of friends and family.

After being greeted warmly and abundantly, we began almost immediately. We washed our hands, sat in silence, broke the challah, and shared a meal together. Then the learning and resulting enjoyment followed. We began precisely at midnight and ended at 6:20, allowing us less than an hour of morning services to attend back at the shul.

We discussed permissive laws versus Jewish laws we must follow. We discussed what being Jewish means to all of us and how we can all still be Jewish and ascribe different meanings and values to Jewish laws. We discussed how being in love with someone means being in his reality more often and less in our own. And we discussed how the bible changes tense and the meaning of that transition.

I know in my heart that I could never be an orthodox woman or even a less slightly religious Jew. The very notion of having to sit apart from men during services and not being able to read from the bimah or bless the torah offends me deeply. Not to mention that I am an atheist who is trained in the sciences. I remain forever a culture Jew.

Yet for one brief moment in time 24 hours ago, I felt what it was like to be an orthodox Jew. It was an empowering experience and I am better for having staved off my real life for a brief moment.