America Graduates

from the eight years of sophomoric bullshit today as we look to Barak O'Boyfriend to gently finger us lube free as we sing and giggle.

Don't you just want to get drunk and dance in the fountains with AG?! Wear a lampshade on your noggin and experience two nipples, no waiting? Think Freshman Streek Week on an AG Amherst coke bender.

Funny story about drinking with the nymphs from the pools of cold water today- AG had tickets for the inaguration*. As many of you know, AG Zaidie was a politician and AG is not afraid to play that card on a rare rare occasion. Especially since connections Superbowl tickets are no longer needed this year. (Fuck you, Arizona. At least your boy toy lost in November. So, we'll give you this.) AG gave them up because imagine AG in DC right now. Go ahead. I'll wait... All those hot Jewish boy reporters, pundits, Hollywood types (The stats suggest the odds are with AG on this one.) and the PhD Rude Pundit running single and carefree through Georgetown. No wives. No rules. AG wouldn't know whether to come, lay, stay, or pray. AG might actually pass Fish up in the senario, especially since AG knows where he lives! Bwaaahaha. It would make Caligula look like an after school special.

*Shut your pie hole. It was my decision to give those tickets up. After how 2008 came to a crashing end with the raping of my soul, I didn't have the dopamine to get off the davenport, much let alone ponder the thought of getting on a train bound for orgy-land without a bra or a smile on.

Blow jobs are on the house today for all except for the Freshman who shacked up with Screaming Chicken during frosh week:



Because:



Let the good times roll.

We've graduated. Next stop: Columbia Law School! more...