Shotgun Jimmy

Okay, I can't resist.

Here's a roundup of the late night smart-asses:

“Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney.” - David Letterman

“You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'” - Craig Ferguson

“We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney.” - David Letterman

“I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wiretapping illegal?'” - Jay Leno

“But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past.” - Craig Ferguson

“You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, six more weeks of winter.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“This is a great story. You've got the Vice President, a shotgun, a bunch of rich guys hunting tiny little birds. The only thing that could possibly make this story better is if he shot Michael Jackson.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“The man who was shot is named Harry Whittington. He's a high powered Republican lawyer, he was very lucky. They say the only reason that he wasn't killed is he was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to our troops.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“So in summary, the Vice President of the United States shot a 78-year-old man in the face. Congratulations Mister Vice President, you are now a Crip.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face.” - “Daily Show” correspondent Rob Corddry

Letterman's Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses
10. Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm
9. Wanted to get the Iraq mess of the front page
8. Not enough Jim Beam
7. Trying to stop the spread of bird flu
6. I love to shoot people
5. Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter
4. I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me
3. Excuse? I hit him didn't I?
2. Until Democrats approve Medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly
1. Made bet with Gretzky's wife