Hypocrite is as Hypocrite Does

Richard Shelby, a man who should require no introduction to our readers, makes me chuckle. For those of you who do not know, Richard Shelby(R-AL) is the less (cough, cough) conservative Senator from Alabama. He's been in the Senate since 1986. He later pulled an Arlen Specter in reverse in 1994 when he went from being a Democrat to a Republican in the Senate. He's been angry and conservative ever since.

So what is Shelby's problem right now? Shelby has a dog in this fight or one might say a pug in this shake. (Hi Brandeis! <3) Auto manufacturers Mercedes-Benz, Honda, Toyota, and Hyundai received approximately $788 million in government subsidies in the cities of Vance, Lincoln, Huntsville, and Montgomery in Shelby's home state of Alabama, according to analysis by Good Jobs First. And Shelby is fully aware of these funds. Good Jobs First Executive Director Greg LeRoy, when asked about the issue stated, "...while proposed federal aid to the Big 3 would take the form of a loan, the vast majority of subsidies to foreign auto plants were taxpayer gifts such as property and sales tax exemptions, income tax credits, infrastructure aid, land discounts, and training grants." None of the automakers plants in Alabama are unionized and to ensure that, Shelby and Governor Riley require that potential job seekers file an application with the state for a job at Mercedes because state employees are barred from forming unions. Nicely done, Republican'ts! Nicely done.

Does anyone smell hypocrisy? While Alabama is a fly over state on my way to South America and a vast number of Shelby's constituents outside of Birmingham cannot read above a six grade level or at all, the coasts can read and we are flying all over your socialist state. We also blog. We also expose your lies and deceit.

Off topic but related, go to Google. If you type in "Richard Shelby" look down the list of cached items. You may heart this one: Richard Shelby idiot. <3.

Does Not Compute

I recently learned of Robert DeWitt, a journalist with New York Times owned and operated Tuscaloosa News in Alabama. When I read one of his weekly rants, I emerge doubly armed with reasons to push for education reform in America as a means of increasing reading comprehension, critical thinking skills, and statistical rigor. Mr. DeWitt's hyperbolic thoughts on paper might best be compared to handing out UN supplied rice in Uganda while expecting to see Harvard Business School applications pinned to the free substance for the villagers to contemplate while scarfing down their food. Silly Rabbit! Delusions are not just for kids anymore.

In DeWitt's latest, he recommends that the US pull out of Afghanistan and Europe, but remain steadfast in Iraq. Furthermore he less poetically suggests that complaints about the war in Iraq are nothing more than the feeble minded seeking to unfairly speak ill against the great Bush Administration. He dares to remind us that thousands of Americans died in the hands of terrorists on US soil. Though he does not cite by name which terrorists or attacks, we may deduce from the correlations he draws between Afghanistan and Iraq.

Yet the truth according to the Iraq Coalition Causality Count is that the US confirmed death toll in Iraq stands at 4,302. I'd say we are winning that war when compared to 2,751 dead (Not sure how many were actually US citizens) from the September 11th attacks and one AG birthday that went down in history. To ensure that the point is made and in case you are wondering, the US death count is currently 698 in Afghanistan while Vietnam was 58,159. There is no such thing as a winnable war...

Jon Stewart put it best about Afghanistan when he said bombing Iraq after September 11th was like bombing Brazil after Pearl Harbor. more...

I Heart My Workplace

While it's not Fish's TFLN or about Bryce's Mom or more believable, it was funny:

MS: Did you go to Weight Watchers yesterday?
BJ: No. I haven't gone since we decided we hated that group.

-9AM.28 May 2009.two co-workers outside my office about WW@work program. more...

Who Knows

Brandeis and I both have adopted Jewish parents, even though we both have biological Jewish parents. I have no idea why I share this with you other than to post something at 2:04 AM when I am jet lagged and going to pay for this tomorrow.

As you were... more...

The Modern World

The first vinyl I bought that could be classified as 'punk' was London Calling.  That's not earthshattering or even unusual for  a midwestern white boy; but what I found hard to understand was the reaction of the friends I had at the time.

Largely limited to mainstream rock and heavy metal (we were in a fuckin suburb; what else?) I started to branch out in late high school, finding new energy in musicians like Elvis Costello, Devo, the B-52s and the Boomtown Rats; my HS friends could barely tolerate the Cars.  I recall plaintively playing "Train In Vain" for one of these friends, trying to share the attraction I had for some different sounds, only to be met with a bemused, mostly tolerant look.

I have never understood this need to classify music.  Ice-T once tried to defend his heavy band Body Count by saying "If you only listen to one type of music, you're fucked up" but I resist even the idea of music 'types'.  I have argued over this incessantly with Zelmo (usually fueled by several beers); where are the lines?  Iggy Pop was Punk before anybody ever though of it; but he wrote a song that was a hit for Bowie.  Was there ever a more punk song than "My Generation"?  Elvis Costello was once punk enough to get thrown off Saturday Night Live; now he collaborates with Burt Fuckin Bacharach.  Blue Oyster Cult helped define metal, but have written some purely pop songs.  The Clash were self-defined punks, but borrowed liberally from reggae, funk, old blues....

The Mekons started as art-school punks so DIY that they REFUSED to learn their instruments.  But eventually, they blazed trails for alt-country, alternative, and indie rock, refusing to give a shit about their classification, instead following their own muses.  Along the way, they did art shows, performance installations, wrote collaborative books, did a pioneering lesbian punk pirate musical, and hey! also become one of the longest running rock bands of ANY genre, remaining arguably more vital and interesting than other old timers like the Rolling Stones and the Eagles, recently incorporating English folk into their sound...

Music is a continuum. Pigeonhole all you want (and that is part of the misguided "marketing" that is helping to destroy large labels),  but when it comes to the artists, the lines blur.  Neil Young collaborates with Pearl Jam and tours with Sonic Youth.  

 This is odd.  I noticed today that I have my Dad's fingers.  Being a zombie, I guess I probably will not give them back.

I know, I ramble.  But this thinking has been occasioned by a few listens to the new Green Day album, 21st Century Breakdown.  It's a pretty mainstream release for me, I know, but bear with me....

I really loved their last album, American Idiot.  The extended multi part songs, threaded with punk sing along choruses and shouted "hey!"s tripped my punky little zombie trigger, and had a bit of the PROG about them.  It was  a long way from songs about getting stoned, but it recalled the old days of bands like Husker Du and the Clash...

But that's not what I'm here to talk about.  After a long period of work (5 years?) comes the followup, an honest to god I am not shitting you ROCK OPERA that should make Pete Townshend poop bricks and go back to drinking.

The release (does it even mean anything anymore to say 'album'?  CD?  This is a song series; I downloaded it; the constraints of 2 sides, or how much music you can fit on a CD, don't really mean much anymore...) is broken down into 3 acts, for want of a better word.  "Heroes and Cons", "Charlatans and Saints", and "Horseshoes and Handgrenades". You can find more description elsewhere, I am not too worried  about the story, such as it is, just now.

The release opens with a scratchy, tinny radio sounding intro, "Song Of The Century", which sounds like nothing so much as a piece of a mid-70s Queen snippet.  I'm not kidding.  But also, is it an accident that the song title checks The Ramones?

"21st Century Breakdown" is one of the longest pieces, and is the closest to something from american Idiot.

Born into Nixon I was raised in hell

A welfare child

Where the teamsters dwelled

The last one born

The first one to run

Holy, crap, am I the only one that reads that as a Springsteen reference? Also, look at this:

My generation is zero

I never made it

As a working class hero

The Who and John Lennon, in one triplet.  It may not be poetry, but that is a fine weaving of cultural touchstones, that is.  Wait, there's one more:

We are the desperate in the decline

Raised by the bastards of 1969

Is that.. the Replacements?  I would bet "Bastards of Young" is part of the DNA here...

Know Your Enemy has enough power chords and anthemic choruses to bring Joe Strummer back to life.  And one of the prominent lines updates an old PIL song:  Violence Is an energy.  Just don't even try to tell me that is an accident.

Viva La Gloria.  I can't see this as anything but a big old shout out to Patti Smith.

Before the Lobotomy.  Not only a semi acoustic opening, but slamming chords and a nod to the Ramones?  Holy shit.  And the yell-along chorus: 

Whiskey shots and cheap cigarettes

Well I'm not stoned, I'm just fucked up

I got so high, I can't stand up

I'm not cursed cause I've been blessed

I'm not in love cause I'm a mess 

Last Night on Earth.  Listen:

My beating heart belongs to you

I walked for miles til I found you

I'm here to honor you

If I lose everything in the fire

Did I ever make it through?

Again and again the lyrics work around the ideas of resilience, of persistence, of insurmountable odds... this seems to me to be one of the central ones.

Also:  East Jesus Nowhere.  Regardless of the music and the lyrics.  The title is just... classic.

Peacemaker is such a complete nod to Gogol Bordello, that if not Armstrong's singing you would never guess....  down to the hey hey!  hey hey hey hey hey!  It totally fuckin rocks.  Even Shane McGowan would approve, if he could get off the floor.

Last Of The American Girls.  Listen:

She plays her vinyl records singing songs on the eve of destruction

She's a sucker for all the criminals breaking the laws

She will come in first for the end of western civilization

She's and endless war like a hero for the lost cause

Like a hurricane in the heart of devastation

was that a shout out to fuckin BARRY MCGUIRE?  Okay, I'm a sucker for that song, and totally love that Grizzled taught it to one of Jennifer's lamblets, but holy hell, that is so fricking uncool... followed by a Judas Priest shoutout?  Now this is getting ridiculous.  But kind of fun, too, isn't it?  Damn, I think so.

Murder City might as well be a Rancid song.  what the hell, let's throw in some current references also, and make it a punkin gumbo.

followed by a reprise:  Viva La Gloria?  a pretty little song that slows things down a little bit.  Holy shit, it's starting to feel paced, like a musical.

Restless Heart Syndrome would be a great Coldplay song.  If it was done by Radiohead, even P-Fork would like it.  As it is, it's better than either of those bands, but I predict will be disregarded because it was released by the guys who released an album named after poop.

One of the centerpieces is Horseshoes And Handgrenades, opening with a stomping boot sound like something from Stiff Little Fingers.  But I'll tell you the guitars sound like the Figgs to me, and the lyrics do just as well...  G-L-O-R-I-A  shows up here, also, harking back to Patti, and U2, and Van Morrison...

21 Guns slows it right the hell down again, and it's about time.  But it makes Armstrong reach for some high notes out of his range, and he makes them, apparently through sheer emotion.  And I know it's probably just me, but I hear the echoes of the Alarm's 68 Guns in the background guitar lines...

 Song of The Century is reprised... leading into American Eulogy, which has two parts.  The first is Mass Hysteria, and the second is The Modern World.  Thus the title of the post.  In a seeming resonance to the Jam, the band recites " I don't wanna live in the Modern World, I don't wanna live in the Modern World..."

And finally, the band tries to reconcile with See The Light.  What resonates:  "I set a fire just to see the flame"  When the world is senseless and heartless and uncaring, sometimes the individual acts are the ones that count.

As if to drive the fucking point home with a corked aluminum bat, the itunes release includes a cover of " A Quick One (while he's Away).  You Are Forgiven, indeed.  Green Day is not just wearing their influences on their sleeve on this one, they are weaving them into a tapestry of anger and emotion and energy that does the heritage proud.

You know, when you are young, unbridled energy and anger can be enough.  The Rolling stones and the Replacements showed that, among others.  But getting older adds ... weight.  And you can try to ignore that, but it makes you look kind of stupid.  Some people write the same songs over and over, and some get hairpieces, and some take viagra, but here's the thing:  we all get old, we all are going to die, and that's what makes what we do now important and vital and sweet.  Ignoring it is a dead end.

The major record labels have turned to WalMart for much of their hard copy distribution.  especially since their own policies have driven non-corporate record stores and radio stations out of business.. Stupid MBA weasels...  But WalMart wanted GD to remove the fukcs and the anti-religious rants; Green Day said no, they didn't give a shit.  Who do you think will suffer more from that?  

Some call Green Day punk, some punk-pop (usually saying that as if it's a bad thing), some just call 'em alternative.... To me it doesn't matter.  If you listen to music based on the pigeonholes, I will guarantee you that you're missing out on something, somewhere, that you will like.

I refuse to restrict what I listen to because Pitchfork or somebody else calls it one thing or another.  I will not discard something merely because it is popular.  I refuse to stop looking for new sounds that make me shamble and lurch.

These guys have been listening to fucking EVERYTHING, and are not shy about making references in what they are writing.  The Jam, the Clash, Springsteen, even enough Journey to make Zelmo happy; 

"Hope I die before I get Old"  "Better to burn out than it is to Rust"  as Brando said recently, the irony is that the people who wrote those powerful lines are living long beyond some of their contemporaries.  I would counter by saying the people who wrote those lines have never allowed themselves to rust, to get old.  

I may be dead, but I don't have to be old.  

Wins and Losses

I am home, finally. I returned to the Philadelphia on Tuesday. I've got much catching up to do in all corners of my life. Tonight, I got through e-mail. Tomorrow, I plan to unpack my bag to repack for the long weekend. A rolling stone gathers no moss...

I visited five states in three weeks. In doing so, I learned a lot about the American south and what it means to be oppressed. I felt many things and experienced a cadre of things, such as not being able to understand a menu in a southern restaurant. What I felt most was incredibly alone as an educated Jewish liberal. To that end, I was forced to attend an impromptu Republican rally at one point. The good news is that of the like other seven Jews (five belonged to me) in the room of more than 500, we were comforted when said Republican was snubbed by a scholar peep of ours. Even in the south, Liberals have rights and principles they can exercise from time to time. They also indulge in drinking at parties, sleep in the dog's bed, and fight over former moot court partnerships. Oy gevalt -- did I have a good time when I was with the liberals.

While playing the role of Jack Kerouac, I had brunch at the Waysider. (I'll post pictures soon.) It was terrible. No, it was more than terrible. It was vile. They charged me for something that was neither food or edible. I hope the Health Department issues a no-dine flu alert and closes that place PDQ.

Conversely, I was taken to Leatha's and I am in love. Not only did I get a hug from Miss Bonnie in her blue moo-moo upon completion of our meal, I tasted the finest beef short available in the United Sates and quite possibly, the world. I am sorry, but while I heart my burnt ends here, they are too high end boutique for Ms. Leatha. See, BBQ is supposed to be rustic, rough, and rewarding. Massachusetts cannot do rough. Not even the hill towns of Berkshire County.

Photos to follow. more...

Stealing

"we steal from what we like"

- David Byrne

 

Stolen shamelessly from Snag and Jennifer, and I'm not even linking to them, because they are over in the sidebar and if you don't have them bookmarked yet you are a bad person and I will have Von send Zoe to eat your brainzz.

Songs I Never Hated and Still Don't:

21st Century Digital Zombie

Special Taunting Pinko with Bad Religion song Title updated Zombie Day screenshot:



It's like there's some kind of hidden message.

Now We Can See

I predict much love for the 'o way o-o way o' refrain.  Total Zombie earworm.

three chord buzzpunk in the best Buzzcocks trad.  If they show up at Summerfest, I'm gonna squirt.

And with that, resumption of the long-suspended Friday Zombie Music Spew:

1.  David Bowie, Station To Station.  Back when Bowie was good.  and bisexual.

2.  Billy Bragg, Sugardaddy. 

3.  Radiohead, Motion Picture Soundtrack.  I know it's gonna endanger my IMS rep, but I have never really warmed up to Radiohead.  This is a good example.  Kinda turgid and goes nowhere.  And a big chunk of dead air.   Pitchforky.

4.  B-52s, Private Idaho.   Best three string guitar work until Presidents of The United States Of America.

5.  Pat Benatar - I Need A Lover.  Ouch, that one smarted.

6.  Kate Bush - December Will Be Magic Again.  I'm certain one of my friendly commenters will reassure me about having this song on my iPod.

7.  The Magnetic Fields - Two Kinds Of People. Better in the context of the whole collection of 69 Love Songs

8.  Suede - High Rising

9.  Waco Brothers - Out In The Light.  Sung by Milwaukee native Deano Schlabowske.  With a name like that, can you doubt he's from Milwaukee?

10.  Ministry - The Missing

11.  ZZTop- Blue Jean Blues.

WTF is wrong with iTunes today?  I'm gonna stop this one right here because that random is painfully weird.  Maybe I'll DL the new Green Day album.

Pixies and Zombies, O yes

My Imaginary Digital Friends, let me show you dem

Here

and Here

and here

of course here

and here

and way over here


Sweet graphic though, huh? Color me impressed in an undead kind of way.

also.

also also.

and such as.

furthermore.

Seriously, I'm all verklempt over here. who knew the hidden currents of zombee luv?

Now maybe if I sent some chocolate skittle to Pinko....

Donuts: the essential question

In life we are asked many questions. One of AG's today:

Do donuts make the workplace more fun? more...

With Teeth

fish is using others' text messages to feed all our misanthropy. As well as destroy productivity.

I begin to suspect the internet is a plot by aliens to destroy humanity from within.

How else to explain Xtranormal? And this?

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?"

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest.

Today, I ran for my school's elections for President. I thought I was popular enough to win. I lost, by 61 votes, my grade is only 62 people. I was the only one to vote for myself.

You know, I think I feel better about my life.

Pillar To Post

Jocks got a vote in parochia
Ten long years and hes still got her
Paying tax and and doing stir
Worry about it later.
And the wind blows hot and the wind blows cold
But it blows us good so weve been told
Musics food til the art-biz folds
Let them all eat culture.

Chorus:
The past is steeped in shame,
But tomorrows fair game,
For a life thats fit for living
Good morning britain.

Twenty years and a loaded gun
Funerals, fear and the war aint won
Paddys just a figure of fun
It lightens up the danger.
And a corporal sneers at a catholic boy
And he eyes his gun like a rich mans toy
Hes killing more than celtic joy
Death is not a stranger.

Taffys times gonna come one day
Its a loud sweet voice and it wont give way
A house is not a holiday
Your sons are leaving home neil.
In the hills and the valleys and far away
You can hear the song of democracy
The echo of eternity
With a rak-a-rak-a feel.

Chorus

From the tyne to where to the thames does flow
My english brothers and sisters know
Its not a case of where you go
Its race and creed and colour.
From the police cell to the deep dark grave
On the undergrounds just a stop away
Dont be too black, dont be too gay
Just get a little duller.

But in this green and pleasant land,
Where I make my home, I make my stand
Make it cool just to be a man,
A uniforms a traitor.
Love is international
And if you stand or if you fall,
Just let them know you gave your all,
Worry about it later.

Truckload of Art

Just listening to Countrysides, by Cracker, and here's one for Jennifer and her partner in Children's Criminal Books, Snag:

A Truckload of Art
From New York City
Came rollin down the road
Yeah the driver was singing
And the sunset was pretty
But the truck turned over
And she rolled off the road

Yeah a Truckload of Art
is burning near the highway
Precious objects are scattered
All over the ground
And it's a terrible sight
If a person were to see it
But there weren't nobody around

Yeah the driver went sailing
High in the sky
Landing in the gold lap of the Lord
Who smiled and then said
"Son, you're better off dead
Than haulin a truckload
full of hot avant-garde

Yes…an important artwork
Was thrown burning to the ground
Tragically…landing in the weeds
And the smoke could be seen
Ahhh for miles all around
Yeah but nobody…knows what it means

Yes…a Truckload of Art
Is burning near the highway
And it's a tough job for the highway patrol
Ahhh they'll soon see the smoke
An come runnin to poke
Then dig a deep ditch
And throw the arts in a hole

Yeah a Truckload of Art
Is burning near the highway
And it's raging far-out of control
And what the critics have cheered
Is now shattered and queered
And their noble reviews
Have been stewed on the road

A spoonful of Q

Q is a beauty isn't she? In all of her 25 amigas shtetl, she stands just so louder and prouder than the other others. So svelte, so alluring, the sex appeal is indescribable. You know you want to turn down the lights, put on some Kenny G., a glass of expensive vino next to the davenport, and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. You know, you do!

With Q, this month the theme is living off the spoon. AG's life is no longer her own. Between manuscripts, speaking engagements, social events associated with May and June, and being in heart, it's all becoming a dizzying area of licks and sniffs to keep me afloat. My stress level is tighter than a room full of choir boys and priests.

AG will be returning to the south for the full-on Southern tour before rolling off like a row tide on a European tour followed by Mexico later this summer. (Please clean the place ASAP.) Europe will be followed in the fall by a trip to the Canary Islands and maybe even some golf and sun in Phoenix while AG is out of her cage. Boston, the vineyard, the Berkshires, Long Island and Manhattan, all need to get worked into the equation between June and August. California will wait until Chanukkah. AG's dance card is full and the summer has not even left the sanctuary yet. Boy vey.

I find in stressful times like this, I can only work in smaller segments. The first half of May: This month I will be attending a graduation, missing a bridal shower, seeing the Natchez Trail, giving up tickets to Radnor Days, hopefully going for AG's very own personal airplane ride above the Mississippi Delta, (It pays to know Jewish PhDs with toys. La. La.)a speaking engagement in NOLA, missing another bridal shower, and finishing with some down time in Pensacola and if AG can swindle, Destin as well. There may also be a trip to Unclaimed Baggage and Chattanooga. May, if AG can keep time with his feet.

I will be meeting a lot of new and old friends and family along the way. To that end, I have been researching Pappelbom and Favre's hometown for some time now. I am intrigued by Mississippi to no end, as y'all know. Here's a few places I plan on visiting during my crossing of the Forest-Lamar region:

AG loves ice cream, even if the g-d loving crazies are not open on Sundays. There is debate in a certain camp over this which means, AG will be given a map and sent there on her own. More for AG...

Leetha's is supposed to have amazing BBQ. The in-laws will be taking me there. I am hopeful they will understand my need to wear pearls, Chanel, and don laboratory strength gloves when we visit. (I know Abba will. He gets AG.)

I will be going to Coney Island and eating nothing. Nada. Miss Vicky will be none too pleased from what I have been told. AGs have come a long way in the past year, but somethings never change! All any of us can do is wait until AG-let crawls out from under the table one day and also refuses to eat "poor food." There is nothing better than shaming a family that talks funny and has rules on how recipes are handed down between the generations. This is an odd juxtaposition to AG because NY metro Jews just pass down the direct line to Masa, Grammercy Park Tavern, and Bouley and get on with our lives.

AG will also be going here. Or somewhere like it. AG will let the cat out of the bag on this and because she is so calling out someone's bluff on the Internets and Facebook, where only true things are stated. Over an amazing sushi dinner here, AG decided to fire it up. There had been discussions before, but someone (not AG!) would suggest it and then take it back. After enough takesees backsees, AG thought she was sinking the 8 ball in the back pocket with getting down to brass tacks over dinner last Saturday night. Joke was on AG when AG said something that even AG never thought would come out of her mouth: "Brandeis, that was dirty pool. (grin on face) I honestly never thought you had it in you. Whew. (pregnant pause) Well played, Sir. Well played." Probably the closest to speechless AG ever was, even over Texas in Madison, WI.

Pause.

Can we discuss food for a moment in Puerto Rico? Forget the beach and golf course. Food in PR has come along way in the five years since I had last been. You also know how magnificent Old San Juan is and the 70% retail Dooney and Bourke wallet Brandeis purchased or the jewelery that AG brought home? The world came to a crash for a moment on this trip when AG found out this fine example of culinary delights is no more. How can we discuss 70% retail with this news? OK, that we can discuss because afterall I am a Jew! However, sad, sad face. Circle back to Budatai for a moment with me, please. While some dishes were delightful such as a pork dumplings though not orgasmic, and some where meh like the peago (spicy tuna katsu), the super star of the night was the geisha roll -- lobster, cream cheese, jicama, and meringue kisses with caramel swizzled over top. Better than Dice-K at Fugakyu, people. Better. No, really! As we strolled into the sex shop (Right, because you haven't found it fun to look over the porn on vacation when nobody knows your mug for miles.), Brandeis spots the menu in the window at this Japanese hibatchi cafe. Where the sides are fried rice, $4.95 and lobster tail, $22.95. A Snag meets MenDee kinda place, no doubt.

We stroll along further to have Haagen Daaz, which I assure Brandeis is not like home. I mean, it's Pillsbury people, but much like my rule in foreign lands on Domino's (I know where they send their profits and won't give them the time of day in the US.), it is much better than what you will find at the Mall of America or on South Beach. That is Minneapolis sponsored crap on a cone. In PR and other lands of foreign-ish culture -- not so. While the pralines and pecan delight was good, none of this takes away the spotlight from the $400 dinner for four that I host here. The lobster tail special I had was beyond. Beyond, as my Bubie would say. Said lobster tail was at least three pounds and more than half landed on Brandeis' plate because not even Joey Chestnut could have finished that alone.

Where was I now? Oh right, red velvet, fried green tomatoes, Cokes that are really Sierra Mists, and pearls --- the South! I have dinner reservations for Antoine's following my stay at the Ritz. There will be mufalattas and hurricanes along the way. No sweet tea, though. AG is a Yankee. She is OK with that. You and your Mama should be too.

We'll have something at the Waysider in Tuscaloosa at some point and I always love me a hush puppy from Miss Melissa. Mother's Day may involve some gardens and visiting. AG will hold the babies, meet colleagues and friends, be adored by the Zaidie and Bubie, and learn Southern Yiddish from a Yankee transplant. There will be rides in the car filled with Counting Crows, no pugs in the shake, and laughter. There will also be no doubt that romance filled nights as the stars fall on Alabama, and pecan pie that he now calls "PEE-Kan" will surround us.

So what does this all have to do with Q? Well, Q is for Qba Libra of course! Two things Puerto Rico is known for Pina Coladas and QLs in the Bat Cave. Where will your Q be this summer?